Heart of the boy

Haiz....it seems after Chinese new year many thing has change,like my mum....every times we talk always will end by arguing....so i rather be silent,because i already boring go through everyday by argue.I also don't know what is the problem and what going on?Since Chinese new year i feel i change a lot,i more silent then before i do.I used to very cheerful,playful and always make people happy and laugh.But since i started to hate my family especially my mum i begin to change....i more silent, don't like to talk so much...but at outside when together with my friends i very happy, i really like this feeling...it seems i so freedom no problem to think.....even at college,although sometimes has many assignment to do but i still happy because together with my friends......from small until now i also don't like stay at home...i like to going out...haha i bet when my mum see my blog she sure will very angry sad and hurt...but i really don't have choice,writing on blog is only way to let my feeling out but still have another way when i can't online,that is sms with my friend,the only friend i never meet before just see each other at webcam once the rest is on msn write only and sms...is been two year...whenever i sad and happy i also share my feeling to her...actually she is my cousin friend meet at Taiwan when my cousin go there vacation.I know her by saw my cousin phone has her photo,so once i see her once i ask my cousin about her phone number and there is our relationship start she's name is Dannise Seo.After been so long we sms i already started can't control my self,i have feel to her....even i know that time i have girlfriend...she also know....it seem i very sorry to her because everytime i break i also find her,then i also say hope she will accept me...i very bad and also not fair to her.....but she dint accept me for the one of reason i know is she has no feel to me...maybe this is the good way.I know many things she also know,and i think she will think me like playboy.but recently i found out that this time i really have feel to her and even love her, every day past day by day, my miss also more and more miss.This time this feeling is very weird,is different when i break up and after that told her i love her,this feel is like i had lost very long time ago and now come back.This feel is everyday also miss her,feel always wanted to see her and even you see her friendster profile you also will smile without a reason.The picture you saw her smile you also will smile....because the person you love happy you also will happy.Then i try again to tell her that i really love her...but she rejected me...again.This time she reject me i have feeling very hurt like billions of blade thrust into my heart.Is was very painful.But after few week later i decided to insist to try to chase her all the way i can.Tomorrow is her birthday...although i can't celebrate with her and also i don't have present to her but by my the pure of heart i really wish her one day will accept me.About i say i lost a very long time feeling i suddenly remember one thing that cause me lost the feeling.Is a girl before dannise i very love....just like i love dannise.....she's name is Susan Chee.I have feel to her since primary school until the day she go.Everything are start from primary school i started to write love letter to her...haha now think back like very childish and very old fashion.Sometimes i have letter to her i will slip inside her one of the subject book...so she no need found out the letter infront of me because is very embarrassed at so many classmate.But she dint accept it and return after tomorrow.Even is very embarrassed no other choice i ran away.I don't know she remember or not?Until we at secondary school we still no together yet and i also still chasing her.Then at form 2 or 3 that time is my most wonderful day in my life.She accepted me!Once i hear i really happy and excited!!!But unfortunately not even one week we together we broke up,reason why i don't know what i know is i very sad.After awhile i have another gf(girlfriend) so that was the story the end of both of us.ACTUALLY is not really the ending...because this is she told me what happen next when she break with me,she told me after she say break with me then after few week she feel don't want to break when she wanted to tell me together back but is too late...i already have gf and this is the most regret thing in my whole live.So that why i have this feeling back because of dannise once again i really fall in love...i really hope the day i expect will come sooner.So that the story.....