Haha!!!

Haha!!! I think is really a good new ba...last night i laugh! i did laugh....after so long i think i did it...i think i'm not hate my mum already...

Omg~

On 10/4/09 that day i pretty surprise when is sms with Stephanie...she told me every teen got stages where their mood are very weird.Huh? At the first i feel very weird...really have this kind of stage?haha even i also dunno really or not, but she say every teen sure got....OK lo...got lo....Then i told her I'm sure not in weird mood stage, i did hate my mum... She say who not hate they own mum!?lol she also hate her mum force her to study A lvl make her suffer till cry, she hate bcuz not buy car for her make her has problem transportation, she hate her mum cause not give enough $ make her sometimes need to skip meals if want save few ringgit for next month, she hate her mum bcuz buy 2 laptop to her bro and sponsor bro go to trip but she own laptop and trip need to pay by herself, and this final are more great....she hate her mum trying 2 make her hate dad...so she ask me back did your hate has many different?OK...let don't say other thing, from the angle of sympathy her...i think she are more dead than me...more suffer than i do and she make me realise that no matter what don't evade and try to confront it.That is my thinking la....Omg i never thought even like this she still can confront it, if me sure dead.....lol
But anyway i will try to not hate my mum, even i not like but i will try to change it. ^_^
I did really hope i can do it....

The sms

Yesterday i just sms with my x gf. I told her this few week i having a big problem/facing a problem...and told her i starting hate my own family especially my mum,as usual i told her every times talk also end by arguing. I'm having some trouble doing assignment because the semester are going to end soon so will be rush a bit. She ask why hate your mum?assignment if u think very trouble then don't do or ask friends help...lol she reply......i told her i really don't like this ending....hmmm.....about my assignment i think i would solve it in no time...about my family it seems I'm struggling...very suffer....even not talk to them very often too. She told me is like that because she also face the same thing too, also argue with her mum and then she not speak to her for a long time...i wonder why she can do better then me?i mean at least she is not suffer as i am...and last night before going to sleep my mum ask me why look so sad? is there anything you can talk to me?c'mon you already so long no chat with my mum....and my respond are i blanket my self and say nothing there is nothing i sad about....i think she would be very sad and hurt when she know i hate her because she so love me...sigh*
sometimes i really sad until i would cry alone at house or some where without reason...just feel heart very uncomfortable...like nobody understand my feelings...
she reply to me she also feel like this the feeling is like you betraying someone you love that why she don't want talk to her mum. She told me you can cold down your self in room and just tell her now feel don't want to talk and want be alone. I'm thinking something else...if i told her I'm not feel want to talk, as mum first respond should be ask what happen,is there anything mum could help you to solve or face it together?lol if like this then i think i rather don't want to talk...after that she ask many question......swt
After that we end the conservation then go to sleep...Actually i really did have try to be happy as i could but i can't.....even try to force my self to do it and hide my feeling...but no use....maybe i should get some time a real long time......

Heart of the boy

Haiz....it seems after Chinese new year many thing has change,like my mum....every times we talk always will end by arguing....so i rather be silent,because i already boring go through everyday by argue.I also don't know what is the problem and what going on?Since Chinese new year i feel i change a lot,i more silent then before i do.I used to very cheerful,playful and always make people happy and laugh.But since i started to hate my family especially my mum i begin to change....i more silent, don't like to talk so much...but at outside when together with my friends i very happy, i really like this feeling...it seems i so freedom no problem to think.....even at college,although sometimes has many assignment to do but i still happy because together with my friends......from small until now i also don't like stay at home...i like to going out...haha i bet when my mum see my blog she sure will very angry sad and hurt...but i really don't have choice,writing on blog is only way to let my feeling out but still have another way when i can't online,that is sms with my friend,the only friend i never meet before just see each other at webcam once the rest is on msn write only and sms...is been two year...whenever i sad and happy i also share my feeling to her...actually she is my cousin friend meet at Taiwan when my cousin go there vacation.I know her by saw my cousin phone has her photo,so once i see her once i ask my cousin about her phone number and there is our relationship start she's name is Dannise Seo.After been so long we sms i already started can't control my self,i have feel to her....even i know that time i have girlfriend...she also know....it seem i very sorry to her because everytime i break i also find her,then i also say hope she will accept me...i very bad and also not fair to her.....but she dint accept me for the one of reason i know is she has no feel to me...maybe this is the good way.I know many things she also know,and i think she will think me like playboy.but recently i found out that this time i really have feel to her and even love her, every day past day by day, my miss also more and more miss.This time this feeling is very weird,is different when i break up and after that told her i love her,this feel is like i had lost very long time ago and now come back.This feel is everyday also miss her,feel always wanted to see her and even you see her friendster profile you also will smile without a reason.The picture you saw her smile you also will smile....because the person you love happy you also will happy.Then i try again to tell her that i really love her...but she rejected me...again.This time she reject me i have feeling very hurt like billions of blade thrust into my heart.Is was very painful.But after few week later i decided to insist to try to chase her all the way i can.Tomorrow is her birthday...although i can't celebrate with her and also i don't have present to her but by my the pure of heart i really wish her one day will accept me.About i say i lost a very long time feeling i suddenly remember one thing that cause me lost the feeling.Is a girl before dannise i very love....just like i love dannise.....she's name is Susan Chee.I have feel to her since primary school until the day she go.Everything are start from primary school i started to write love letter to her...haha now think back like very childish and very old fashion.Sometimes i have letter to her i will slip inside her one of the subject book...so she no need found out the letter infront of me because is very embarrassed at so many classmate.But she dint accept it and return after tomorrow.Even is very embarrassed no other choice i ran away.I don't know she remember or not?Until we at secondary school we still no together yet and i also still chasing her.Then at form 2 or 3 that time is my most wonderful day in my life.She accepted me!Once i hear i really happy and excited!!!But unfortunately not even one week we together we broke up,reason why i don't know what i know is i very sad.After awhile i have another gf(girlfriend) so that was the story the end of both of us.ACTUALLY is not really the ending...because this is she told me what happen next when she break with me,she told me after she say break with me then after few week she feel don't want to break when she wanted to tell me together back but is too late...i already have gf and this is the most regret thing in my whole live.So that why i have this feeling back because of dannise once again i really fall in love...i really hope the day i expect will come sooner.So that the story.....